I’ve learned to be patient. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve learned to trust myself. My Need-for-closure Self (the J-type) has learned to let my intuitive self (the N-type) do her job. Intuitive Self knows that with enough pieces, the puzzle will come together; she’ll be able to connect the dots, to see the patterns. Need-for-closure Self has to suspend her need to know the parameters and constraints before starting out. She has to fly blind for a little bit, until Intuitive Self gets the lay of the land. This makes Need-for-closure Self nervous. She wants to give up before she begins. She wants to remain in well-charted territories. She likes to be on firm footing.
So I’ve been slogging. Just putting one foot in front of the other, not understanding what I was seeing, not knowing where I was going. Just keep going, keep going. Something will click and then it will make sense. And suddenly it does. I see the world with new eyes. It feels just like this.
A Note About The Miracle Worker: I saw this movie when I was very young, perhaps 7 or 8 years old and it had an incredible impact on my psyche, especially because my older brother was mentally retarded. I knew wanted to be a teacher, someone who could unlock the mysteries of the world to others. It is a very dark film, especially in the scenes showing Anne Sullivan’s childhood. Do children today watch “serious” films or are they restricted to a children’s ghetto of slapstick humor and animation?