About Us Then
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

All the contributors to nipponDAZE lived in Oita-ken, Japan in the early 1990s. We knew each other then and we have kept in contact since. We each experienced Japan, and even some of the same events, very differently. Perhaps the most important thing we learned is what you take away from Japan depends a great deal to what you bring to it.

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Why now?
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Sunday December 16, 2001

When I lived in Japan, between 1989 and 1991, there was no internet, no email, and no weblogs. Because I could neither read nor speak Japanese, and because there was no English-language bookstore or library in our village, I felt extremely frustrated in my quest to understand my adopted land. My Japanese coworkers graciously took me around the countryside, but we lacked the ability to discuss in any detail the history or significance of the places they were showing me.

As for social customs, I pestered my liaison, Murakami-sensei, with questions. "Why do the Japanese do this? Why do the Japanese do that?" She did not understand that my questions stemmed from genuine curiousity and a desire to understand. She interpreted them as attacks on the Japanese way of doing things. As I grew to know her over two years, I realized that she reacted defensively partially because she did not know the answers. She had no curiousity about her own country, its history or customs. Her biggest goal in life, the one thing that consummed her, was to remarry. Also she did not know the answers to many of the questions I asked, so unwittingly, I showed up her ignorance of her own culture. Fortunately, her mother did know the answers. I don't know whether she went home each night and asked her mother, or whether the questions came out in her general complaints to her mother about having to deal with this inquisitive foreigner, but I did learn a lot as a result. But, as soon as I became aware of how she resented the questions, I stopped asking them.

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Anything Can Happen
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Thursday March 2, 1989

We're going to Japan! Momoko called this evening and said that I have gotten the job. It's unofficial, she had a hard time pronouncing that, but I was 4th out of 28. I run and tell JQS.

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First Impressions
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

What were my images of Japan when I was a child? Thanks to social studies, we have that picture in our mind of national costumes and iconic landmark (France: the Eiffel Tower; England: Big Ben; Spain: bullfighters; the Netherlands: wooden shoes and windmills). Even as a child, Japan fascinated me more than any country in the world.

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What I Remember Now
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

The previous entry, in response to Kiyo's question, listed the images I had of Japan before I moved there. Although, this entire blog is dedicated to what I remember about Japan, I thought it would be nice to sum it up what I thought of Japan once I was there, the way Jason did.

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And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Last Wednesday night at 10:38 our site went down. Our ADSL provider is going out of business and we had to find a new one. Without warning, the switch was made. Unfortunately the new company hadn't yet sent us their special modem. It arrived Thursday afternoon. The Mancunian spent all Thursday evening trying to set us up. But we couldn't connect to the new host. I spent all Friday morning on the phone with tech support who decided we needed the phone company to come out and fix the DSL line. The old company had split the phone and data lines outside our phone box so that we had a dedicated data line. For some reason this didn't work with the new company. But as it was the weekend, turns out we couldn't get the phone company in.

Saturday morning, the Mancunian rewired the phone line himself. We were back on the internet. But we still didn't have DNS for the Zanthan site, so it was still down. And so was my email.

Like any sudden withdrawal, the first day was painful and disorienting. I've come to depend so much on the net for the news of the war, the weather, chatting with friends, looking up information on gardening or Japan, and shopping. After the first couple of days, I accepted the fact that my connection to the world was gone. The initial pang was reduced to a hollow ache. I was restless and grumpy. (She's always restless and grumpy. --ed.)

One positive thing resulted. I was able to complete a project I've put off for a long time--mapping the circuits in our house. With our server down, I was allowed to turn off and unplug all the computers. Now with the circuits mapped, I've figured out with circuit used to run to the garage and can rewire the garage. Wow. We'll have power in the garage and an entryway light to boot.

Lost Weekend
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Dateline: 2003年5月27日 Austin, Texas

File this under "If it's not one thing, it's another." First AJM's computer died. He bought a new motherboard and case and some other bits and pieces. So the last 5 days the living room has looked like this.

Then, on Saturday morning, the circuit breaker pops and the microwave, refrigerator, and bathroom lights are out. So we take a 5 hour break to try to track down the problem. When it gets too hot to be in the attic crawlspace, we give up. AJM returns to the computer project, but when he tries to install software, the new machine doesn't recognize his mouse. Has to go and get a different mouse. More fiddling.

Finally, AJM has a computer again--for about 2 hours. Then something goes wrong with the new motherboard. He goes to Frye's for supplies. Still doesn't work. Gives up for a bit and returns to Frye's first thing Monday morning. Somewhere on Monday evening he gets it working. We clean up most of the electronic equipment and discover that we do indeed have a living room under it all.

Today, with both boys out of the house, I'm able to track down the blown circuit to a faulty switch and replace it. Now we can start our holiday weekend. Except it's over and we're almost halfway through the week.

I want my weekend back!

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Houston Departure
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

From An Old Letter

Sunday July 30, 1989 3:AM Houston TX USA

It must be all the sushi and scotch I had tonight at the reception at the consulate-general’s house -- because “Tom Sawyer” or some Rush song, is playing in my head and making me miss you.

I can hear you answering the beeper in the middle of the night, in the middle of a drunk, and as if you flipped the switch on a black box, your entire demeanor changes. Your voice is soothing and patient, “Hi. This is Chris.” You are at work again.

I watched you smile and talk to people at the happy hour the other night and thought, “That’s the way he used to talk to me, before he knew me too well.”

The first leg of our adventure is complete and all is well. We’ve met the other 25 participants from this area, went to an orientation, and had dinner at the consulate-general’s house (which was reminiscent of a scene from lifestyles of the rich and famous -- when our little bus drove into the neighborhood of the consulate-general, a hush came over us as we stared out the window in awe.)

The people in the program are diverse in background, gender, and ethnicity. Most have just graduated from college and most don’t speak Japanese. Their reasons for being here are similar to mine: a vague feeling that they ought to, not really knowing why.

I am very happy. It’s really happening!

No Turning Back
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

As we stood crammed in the aisle, waiting to step off the plane at Narita airport, my 10-year-old looked out the window and then at me and said, "Well. There's no turning back now."

If I had thought of it that way, I would have been scared the day before as the plane doors shut behind us at DFW. But I'd looked forward to this day for so long, that I couldn't imagine anything that would make me want to turn back.

Before we had left, my best friend at the software company where I had just quit work had said, "Wow. I really admire you doing something like this at your stage in life." I just looked at her blankly. I was 33, a divorced mother with a son in the fifth grade. I was just starting to get comfortable in my own condo, and in my chosen career as a writer of software documentation. For me, my life was just beginning. But to my coworkers, fresh out of college, I was already over the hill.

The Real Japan
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Tuesday, August 1, 1989

In 1966, when I was ten years old, I lived in Okinawa. My dad was a fighter pilot out of Kadena AFB, running sorties to Viet Nam. Once a month, or so, a woman would come to our fifth grade class and teach us a little Japanese culture and language. (I still have my notebook from those lessons). At that time, the Ryukyu Islands, were still under US control. Long before that, Okinawa had a tumultous history as a sovereign nation, sometimes under Chinese control, and sometimes under Japanese control. Although Okinawa would someday be returned to Japan, it retained its own subculture apart from Japan. From those days in Okinawa on, I had always longed to visit "the real Japan".

Now 23 years later, riding on the long bus ride into Tokyo from Narita airport with my own 10-year-old, I look out the window searching for a fulfillment to that long-held dream. In the sprawl of freeway, squat concrete office buildings are stacked together like a child's building blocks. They seem so small and insubstantial, like a giant movie set, that it's easy to imagine Godzilla stomping through them. The freeway is built so close to the buildings, that I can look in at office workers, just on the other side of the window.

We drive and drive. JQS, who has been awake on adrenaline the entire flight, finally falls asleep. This makes getting him off the bus, getting our suitcases and checking in with hundreds of other people on the JET Program, a feat.

At last we are alone in our room. Earlier, I had resented the fact that CLAIR made me pay for half a room for JQS, rather than sharing with another participant like everyone else. But now I'm relieved to have a room to ourselves. We look out our hotel window at the endless lights of Tokyo. We are finally here, but it still seems just beyond our reach.

Orientation and Disorientation
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

We wake up around 5AM Tokyo time. It's too early for breakfast (we have an assigned time so that the hotel can handle our ravenous horde in a orderly fashion), so we decide to explore around our hotel a little. From our window, the most imposing sight near the Keio Plaza is the construction of the controversial new city hall building. It will be the tallest building in Tokyo. Beyond it, though I can see Shinjuku Chuo Koen. I gravitate towards the greenery. I also hope that JQS can run off some energy before he has to stay up in the hotel room alone while I attend a day of orientation sessions.

My normally excellent sense of direction is thrown off. Without a horizon and with rainy skies, I can't get my bearings. Near the hotel, there's a street map. I orient myself north on it, but later I discover that the top of the map is not north. So I'm more twisted around than ever.

This map would have been really useful.

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Why I Moved to Japan
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Usually when people ask me this question, they're asking, "Why did you move to Japan?" But lying on my bed in the Keio Plaza Hotel in total exhaustion after days of JET Program orientation, I realize that the better question is "Why did you move to Japan?" At least, that's the one I'm prepared to answer.

Basically, due to lack of experience and lack of money, I'm a lousy traveller. As a single Mom just trying to make ends meet, I've never been on a vacation in my life. Except for the occasional trip to my parents for Christmas, I haven't travelled. I think I've only stayed in a hotel once in the last 15 years.

So being thrown into the Tokyo experience is completely overwhelming for a small town girl like myself. Maybe, if I were younger and didn't have a kid, I'd go bar-hopping with other JETs. Probably not, though. JQS doesn't keep me from doing what I really want to do; he's just a living reminder of the life I prefer to lead.

I have no desire to experience a place by travelling through it. I want to get under the skin of the place. I want to let it get under my skin.

Private School JET
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Friday August 4, 1989

Today we meet Murakami-sense, who has come up to Tokyo from our school in Oita to escort us back. The 25 JETs employed by in public schools are all going to Oita together. But there are several of us "odd men out" who are employed by private schools, which have made separate arrangements for us.

Murakami-sensei seems nice enough, but slightly nervous. When we introduced ourselves, I bowed, she extended her hand; then I extended my hand and she bowed. I have to work to catch her English, and I feel bad when I can't understand her since she is the head English teacher at my school, and is frustrated and embarrased when we aren't communicating.

She offered to take JQS on a site-seeing trip in the afternoon, which was nice of her. I expected her to go off on her own, but she signed them both up for some kind of tour. On arriving home, JQS reports, that despite many warnings from tour guide, Murakami-sensei did not make it back to the bus on time and they ended up taking the subway home.

Yukata Dreams
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

Last night, after my shower, I slipped on my old yukata. This is not the fancy dress yukata seen this time of year at bon odori. It's the kind of cheap, loose-weave cotton bathrobe that is laid out on your bed at fancy Japanese hotels, or is worn at onsen resorts like Beppu by tourists as they walk from bath house to bath house.

I haven't worn my yukata at all this summer. Nor last summer. Maybe I'm finally getting away from my Japan acquired habits, but lately I've been lounging in soft cotton pajamas instead.

I had forgotten how loose, cool and comfortable yukata are! A delight to the senses. All night long I dreamed dreams of wearing yukata. I'd dream I was going to work or to school in my yukata and people would look at me like I was crazy and ask "Why are you wearing that?" I felt a little awkward and then decided I didn't care. So, I just smiled and said, "Because it feels wonderful."

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Where Have You Been, Lately?
Posted by M Sinclair Stevens.

I haven't updated nipponDAZE in a long time, although I still consider it my main blog and visit the links in the sidebar every day to see what you all are doing. But it is primarily a memoir of my life in Japan, and my life right now is keeping me too busy for these little jaunts down memory lane. If you read this site primarily for information about Japan, this is just to let you know I will keep adding to it. So don't give up on me.

If you want to know what I'm up to these days, you can find me studying Japanese on Hajimemashou, gardening in Austin in Zanthan Gardens, and reading about writing and writing about reading in Words into Bytes. Hope to see you around.