nipponDAZE | Of Two Minds

Of Two Minds

January 20, 2003

That time of year has come again for people on the JET Program to sign up for another year, or not. When I made my decision to stay for a second year, I felt very unsure of myself. The weather was cold and I felt cutoff from my friends and family in the states. I didn't socialize much with the other foreign teachers because they were all much younger and single and still doing the bar scene. But I did decide to stay and, later, was very happy that I did.

Even more than a year later, as I wrote to various people about finally coming home, I still seem of two minds.

Tuesday May 8, 1991 (letter to TJ)

I'll probably be back the last week of July. As much as I've missed movies, men, and Mexican food, I should be looking forward to it more. But moving will be a hassle and I have to move back into my house, buy a car, and find a job. I'm not looking forward to any of that. I'm not good with transitions; I like to feel settled. As the Japanese would say taihen which means dreadful or terrible, but literally means "big change," which shows you what pessimists the Japanese are.

Wednesday May 9, 1991 (letter to GG)

So much has happened. It's much warmer now (than when I wrote to you in January). Although we've had a cool, wet spring. I put away my kotatsu and winter clothes. I've become so Japanese. I dress in summer clothes just because it's summer and then go around saying, "It's cold. It's cold."

I found out today that I'm coming back on July 16th. I got really depressed that I'm leaving. And panicky about packing, moving, and jobhunting. I'm in good spirits because it's Spring. When I last talked to you it was Winter and I didn't want to stay. Now it's Spring I don't want to leave. If it weren't for JQS I don't think I'd come back.

Saturday May 25, 1991 (letter to CMB)

I don't want to go back to the States, but I guess it has its charms (movies, men, and Mexican food). I've never been good at transitions. But I am looking forward to buying and driving another RX-7 and setting up house.

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