Anything Can Happen

Thursday March 2, 1989

We're going to Japan! Momoko called this evening and said that I have gotten the job. It's unofficial, she had a hard time pronouncing that, but I was 4th out of 28. I run and tell JQS.

And then I tell ERS. He is happy for us, but subdued. After the initial reaction, he talks a long time about other things: Miss Marple, jobhunting, resume writing. I know he doesn't want to lose JQS for a year. I feel guilty about taking him away.

During this conversation, JQS says, "I better start Japanese school again."
I feel strangely calm. I start to run around excitedly. And then terror overcomes me. What can I be thinking about to completely change my life. I wonder if I can really handle it. Am I really any good at following through? I always seem like such a dreamer, even though other people, like TK, see my life as all work and no play. All I can think about is how much I have to learn. I have to learn Japanese. I have to learn how to teach English as a second language. I want to prepare lesson plans and materials so that I will feel confident and prepared. I want to finish my projects for CCI: the Standard document, the J-CON release. JQS needs help with his science project. And ERS wants to work on his resume this weekend.

JQS and I study our counting in Japanese. It is 10:30 and he is tired. So I turn off the lights. He talks excitedly. He too feels that he has so much to do: finish his Invent America project; write a play for drama; start the engineering club; go back to Japanese school; packing (he wonders which books he should bring--a true child of his parents). He asks me if he should tell his friends before school is out. Then he wonders how many friends he has. He starts talking about Jonathan (of the skunk repellent fame). He tells me that now they're in to building model spaceships during snack time. He finally falls asleep in my arms.

I can't sleep. I feel calm but I can't turn off the voice in my head. I get up and do the dishes that have been piling up since Sunday Doing housework is a sure sign that I am desperate to order the chaos in my life. My mind keeps churning up all the things I have to do. I must start keeping a diary again. So I come up to write. It's time that I started using this expensive toy [the Mac] to do what I wanted in the first place. The words come more easily now. I feel confident.

Posted by M Sinclair Stevens
March 02, 1989

Comments

Share Your Thoughts

Name:


Email Address (not displayed):


URL: (optional)


Comment: